Breaking free from someone who mistreated you is hard. Even when you know deep down the relationship wasn’t healthy, it still leaves a hole. This guide offers simple, real-world ways to start feeling like yourself again—and remind you that you can move forward.
1️⃣ Be Kind to Yourself First
It’s easy to turn inward with blame when a relationship ends badly. You replay moments, wondering if you should’ve left sooner, or handled things differently. But here’s the truth: you did your best with what you knew at the time.
Give yourself permission to stop beating yourself up. Healing starts with self-kindness. You wouldn’t speak harshly to a friend who went through what you did, so why do it to yourself?
Even now, if your mind drifts to guilt or shame, gently bring it back: “I deserve compassion. I’m learning and growing.”
Some days, self-kindness will feel easier. Other days, not so much. That’s normal. The important thing is to keep trying.
Simple practices help: wrap yourself in a blanket, light a candle, breathe deeply. These are small ways of showing yourself love, even when your heart feels heavy.
2️⃣ Cut Ties That Keep You Stuck
It’s tempting to keep checking their social media or reread old messages. But this only pulls you back into their orbit. Letting go means setting boundaries—even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Unfollow, block, mute. Whatever helps you not see their updates. This isn’t about being petty; it’s about protecting your peace.
If you have mutual friends, ask for space if needed. It’s okay to say: “I’m focusing on healing right now.”
The less you feed that connection, the faster you’ll clear the emotional fog.
And if you slip up and peek at their profile? Forgive yourself, close the tab, and refocus. Healing isn’t linear.
3️⃣ Lean Into Real-World Comfort
Screens can keep you stuck in your head. Look for comfort in your physical world instead.
Go for a walk and feel the air on your face. Hug a pet. Make tea and really taste it. These small grounding moments reconnect you with now instead of your past pain.
Consider creating little rituals—a morning stretch, a nightly journal entry, a song you play when you need to reset your mood.
When your mind spirals back to them, come back to your senses. What can you see, hear, feel, touch?
Little by little, you’ll start associating your life with these new comforts rather than old wounds.
4️⃣ Let People In Again
After being hurt, it’s natural to want to isolate. But connection is part of healing.
Start small: text a friend, ask someone for coffee, join a class or group. You don’t have to share everything right away—just remind yourself that safe connections exist.
Let people remind you what kindness looks like. Not everyone will treat you the way your ex did.
If you’re not ready for big social plans, even short, low-pressure interactions help. A chat with a neighbor. A smile exchanged at the grocery store.
Rebuilding trust takes time. But each little positive connection rewires your sense of safety.
5️⃣ Let the Grief Happen
Even if they treated you badly, you’re allowed to grieve the loss. The future you imagined, the good moments that did exist, the time you invested—all of it.
Grief is messy. One day you’ll feel fine, the next you’ll cry over a memory you thought you’d let go of.
Don’t judge the waves when they come. Let yourself feel them, and know they’ll pass.
If tears come unexpectedly—at work, on a walk, in the middle of dinner—it’s okay. You’re human.
Try to notice what’s underneath: Are you sad for the relationship or for what you hoped it would be? That clarity helps.
6️⃣ Make Room for New Joy
Joy can feel impossible at first, like something far away. But it often returns in small, surprising ways.
Pay attention to what lifts your mood, even briefly: sunlight through your window, a favorite song, the first sip of coffee.
Give yourself permission to seek out these moments without guilt. It’s okay to feel good again.
Consider trying something new—a hobby, a trip, a recipe you’ve been curious about. You’re building a life beyond what they took from you.
And when you catch yourself smiling or laughing? Let it happen. That’s healing, too.
7️⃣ Create New Daily Anchors
When a relationship ends, your routines often crumble. Build new ones to help you feel steady again.
Maybe it’s starting your day with stretching, ending it with a gratitude list, or setting a daily walk as non-negotiable.
New anchors don’t have to be grand. Even making your bed each morning or watering a plant can bring structure.
Pick one or two small things and stick to them. They remind you: I can take care of myself.
Over time, these tiny routines add up, helping you feel more grounded and less lost.
8️⃣ Reclaim Your Identity
Toxic relationships often chip away at who we are. Now’s the time to rediscover that.
What did you love before this relationship? What parts of yourself did you set aside to keep the peace?
Start saying yes to things that feel true to you—whether that’s dyeing your hair, revisiting a passion, or simply speaking your mind more often.
Don’t rush it. This is a slow unfolding, a process of remembering who you are when no one’s trying to control or diminish you.
You’re allowed to take up space, have preferences, and be fully yourself.
9️⃣ Seek Support Without Shame
If the hurt runs deep, talking to a counselor or therapist can help. There’s no shame in needing guidance.
You might also find support in books, podcasts, or online communities that understand your experience.
The key is not to go through it alone. Healing is easier when someone helps you untangle the hurt.
If formal therapy feels daunting, start by journaling or voicing your thoughts in a safe space.
What matters is that you give your pain somewhere to go instead of keeping it bottled up.
🔟 Be Patient With the Process
There’s no timeline for moving on. Some days will feel like giant leaps, others like setbacks. That’s normal.
You’re rebuilding after something painful. It takes time, and it’s not a straight line.
On hard days, remind yourself: “This is part of healing. It won’t always feel like this.”
And when you notice progress—however small—celebrate it. Each step forward counts.
You’re not just getting over them. You’re growing stronger, wiser, and more whole.