Ever notice how just as things finally start going right, something inside you seems to hit the brakes?
You’re doing well at work — and suddenly you procrastinate.
Your relationship feels the happiest it’s ever been — and you pick a fight over nothing.
You land a big win — and then find yourself feeling weirdly anxious or guilty.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You might simply be bumping into your Upper Limit — that invisible line where your brain thinks, this is as good as it gets for me.
Let’s talk about how to spot it, and more importantly, how to break past it so you can actually enjoy your success.
What’s Really Going On?
The Upper Limit is a term from Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap.
It’s the idea that we all have an internal setting for how much love, joy, success, or abundance we think we deserve.
When life goes beyond that setting, we unconsciously do things to bring it back down.
It’s not because you don’t want to be happy or successful. It’s because that level of good feels unfamiliar — and unfamiliar can feel scary.
This self-sabotage isn’t intentional. It’s just your brain trying to keep you in what it believes is “safe.”
But here’s the thing: you can reset that internal setting. And when you do? You open yourself up to so much more.
Where Does This Upper Limit Come From?
No one’s born with an Upper Limit.
It forms over time — from things we were told, experiences we had, and the beliefs we picked up.
Maybe you grew up hearing, Don’t get too full of yourself. Or People like us don’t have it easy.
Maybe success was seen as selfish, or happiness felt unsafe because someone always ruined it.
So now, when life feels too good, your brain tries to pull you back to what’s familiar.
The good news? You can change that. But first, you have to spot when it’s happening.
Signs You’re Hitting Your Upper Limit
Your Upper Limit doesn’t always shout, Hey, I’m self-sabotage!
It often shows up in sneaky ways:
👉 Picking unnecessary fights.
👉 Getting sick or injured out of the blue.
👉 Feeling unmotivated right after a win.
👉 Making careless mistakes you normally wouldn’t.
👉 Saying no to opportunities you secretly want.
Pay attention to timing. If the drama starts after a success or breakthrough, that’s your clue.
It’s not bad luck — it’s your internal setting asking, Are we sure we’re allowed to have this?
The Fear Behind It
Underneath the self-sabotage is usually fear.
Fear of failure, sure — but also fear of success.
Fear of being judged, or of losing people who won’t like the “new you.”
Fear of the unknown, or of change itself.
And sometimes? Fear of simply feeling good.
Because if you’re used to struggle, joy can feel uncomfortable at first.
The key is to get curious, not judgmental. Ask yourself: What am I actually afraid of here?
How Your Comfort Zone Keeps You Small
Your brain loves what’s familiar — even if it’s not great for you.
That’s why you might turn down a big opportunity, or talk yourself out of something you want.
The unknown feels risky. So your mind tries to keep you where you’ve always been.
But growth always involves a bit of discomfort.
Learning to sit with that discomfort — instead of retreating — is how you expand what’s possible.
Reframe Success as Safe
If your Upper Limit tells you success or joy is dangerous, it’s time to give your brain new evidence.
Start small. When something good happens, pause. Take a deep breath. Let yourself feel it, fully.
Remind yourself: It’s safe for me to have this.
The more you practice sitting with good things without bracing for the fall, the easier it gets.
And slowly, your brain will update its idea of “normal.”
Affirm the Identity You Want
If you want to live at a new level of success or happiness, you have to see yourself as someone who belongs there.
Otherwise, you’ll always feel like an imposter.
Affirm it daily: I’m someone who thrives. I deserve to be happy. I am capable of handling success.
Picture yourself living at that new level — confident, calm, and proud.
The more familiar it feels, the less you’ll want to sabotage it.
Create Tiny Challenges
Big leaps can feel scary. So build your confidence with small ones.
Say yes to something you’d usually avoid. Speak up when you’d normally stay quiet.
Each tiny stretch proves to your brain that you’re safe outside your old limits.
And over time? What once felt impossible will feel normal.
Get Support
No one breaks their Upper Limit alone.
Talk to friends who lift you up. Work with a coach or therapist if you can.
Surround yourself with people who believe in your bigger life — and remind you of it when you forget.
Sometimes, just hearing “You’ve got this” from someone you trust makes all the difference.
Keep Growing
Your Upper Limit isn’t a one-time hurdle.
Each time you level up, it might pop up again in new ways.
That’s okay. It just means you’re growing.
Stay curious. Keep learning. Keep challenging yourself gently.
Because life really can feel as good as you’re dreaming — and you’re allowed to have it all.
🌿 Final Thought:
Your Upper Limit isn’t who you are. It’s just a setting you can change. And the more you change it, the more amazing life can get.